Thursday, November 17, 2011

Let me tell you how my life got flipped, turned upside down

My friends, this blog has absolutely NOTHING to do with riding the train, so if that's what you want, close your browser now.  I highly doubt this blog entry will even be remotely amusing.
Yesterday, my 5 year old son was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder.  I saw it coming.  I've known in my heart it was true since he was 3 years old.  That really didn't make hearing it confirmed any easier as a mom.  The diagnosis does not in any way shape or form change any part of my son.  He is still my wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, wonderful, amazing boy.  But, I am no longer the same.  I can't be.  In that hour, my life changed and it can't go back to the way it was before.  This doesn't mean that our lives will be worse, not at all, just different.  Things will get busier for me as a mom.  More appointments for this therapy and that, more meetings with this social worker or that school person.  Honestly, I have no idea what the hell to expect in the next months, years, lifetime....
What I can tell you is that right now it's a really high rollercoaster and at this moment, as I write this, I desperately want to get off.  As in NOW.  But, I can't.  I bought an unlimited ride pass, so ride it I will.  For all the ups/downs and loop de loops that this journey takes us on, i'm strapped in and I'm gonna go with my little amazing man. 
Sometimes i want to escape reality and pretend my life is somehow different.  That God didn't deal us this hand.  And then I'm angry, why my son?  why us?  But for all that, it's not for me to decide.  God knew what he was doing when he gave us this beautiful, precious little boy and He gave him to us for a reason.  So while sometimes I look for escapes from reality, I would never trade one second of any of it...not for anything in this world.
So, my friends, forgive me as my blog goes from being humourous to serious.  Deal with me through the stages as I learn to become the best mommy in the world to my boys.  I know this isn't the end of the world and in the end everything will be great.  I know that in my head.  it's just going to take a little while for my heart to catch up.
Love you all.

Friday, November 11, 2011

The epitome of grace and elegance

Now, you guys can attest to my utter lack of grace. I've knocked down coatracks, slipped on wooden floors in heels, fallen down stairs, tripped walking upstairs and countless other issues. No one can ever claim I am graceful because I'm so not. Anyway, tonight was the best of all...yes even better than the infamous I was hustling to the train, I got my foot caught in a rug and did a header into the door. Since I no longer carry a purse (yeah I know mom fail) I was able to catch myself bEfore my face hit the door. My wrist however is slightly jammed. Eh well, what do ya do? Why on earth are you laughing so hard? Not nice Heather!
Now, on to the people... Yesterday as I was walking to the train I saw some of the dance squad for the local NBA team. Um. They sounded like airheads and they looked like oompa loompas. Is that what society deems attractive these days? Well I'm pretty pale and I'm not sure I have ever been that tanned. Well, just another thing on my pity party list of why I am not "hot".
Oh I just threw uP in my mouth- the girl across from me is wanting her hubby to make tuna helper for supper. I didn't know anyone actually ate that stuff! Gross.
Finally, I have become one of "them". First the stuff on my coat and yesterday I slept the entire trip! I hope to God I wasn't snoring or drooling....hmm, I bet that's why people stare at me! I'm that lady who drools! Damn it.
Have a great weekend! I know I will. :).

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Yup, that's me I am a total slacker. Y'all need to demand that I get my butt out here and write! Man, I am a slacker.
So, I am horrified to admit that I am becoming one of "them". I haven't succumbed to showing my private parts like mr Peen or velcro wallet guy and I never will. But, I have become some of the others. This morning I look down and see that I have dried brown something on the front of my jacket. Mother effer. I tried to hide it but I dont think I did a good job.
Real quick tangent - it sucks trying to type this post on my iPhone: seriously I should leave the effing typos in so you can see what I gO thru. I'm sacrificing for you - don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm also starting to get paranoid since people stare at me a lot. I think there are bats in the batcave although I'm very careful about that. And don't give me the bullshit about its because I'm hot or beautiful...whatever. I'm sure Heather will come over and kick my ass now. Ok I'm sick of typing on this thing and it's pissing me off.
Love ya, peace out.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Oh, what an adventure

This morning, I drove my van to work for the first time in well over a month.  To be honest, since our office moved downtown this is only the third time I have driven my vehicle.  It will also be the last time.  Mother of all that is holy....It took me an hour and a half!  My stress level is through the roof today and I have never been so happy to park my vehicle in my life.  Ok, well that's not true...I can recall a snow storm or two that ended up being a three hour commute, but in the past six months this is the happiest I have been to park. 
It is well known that my sense of direction, well frankly, it sucks.  My brother got all the sense of direction genes and I got zilch.  So, to tell you that I got lost on my way to work shouldn't really be much of a surprise.  To tell you that I got lost twice, again shouldn't really be a surprise.  But, did I mention that I was using my GPS while I got lost....twice?  That takes some serious, serious talent and I bet you wish you had my talent.
Don't be a hater.
But, while I love my train I do have one slight thing to, um, talk about?  Yeah, to the transit policeman who walks around every afternoon wearing sunglasses inside and carrying a cup of are NOT bad ass.  All you do is walk around with your little phone and buzz people's passes to make sure they paid their fare.  What do you do if someone comes up with an unpaid fare?  Do you dump your cup of coffee on them?  I like the other cop much more than you.  He's at least nice and he smiles when buzzing my card.
That's all for now.  Tomorrow I am taking the train again even though we have happy hour after work.  Hmm...drunk blogging anyone?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

I owe you one

My Mom pointed out to me on Sunday that I owe you guys a blog, since it's been over a week.  WTF?!  Slacker...I know.  I guess I have settled into my new life on public transit.  It's pretty cool, still loving the no stress since I have no gridlock.  I read a 321 page book on Tuesday alone.  LOVE LOVE LOVE the train.

What all do I have to catch you up on?!  Well, I did indeed venture into the bathroom last week.  It's like a luxury bathroom compared to an airplane.  No lie, it's twice the size of an airplane john.  I could damn near lay down, not that I would lay on the floor of a public bathroom.  EW!  I did almost forget to flush though.  I am so used to the auto flushers now, even though those things never work for me and I always end up manually flushing it with the little button anyway.  (How's that for a run on sentence?  Mrs. Schoon would be proud). 

I also discovered last week that I have been doing my 20 minute walks unneccesarily.  I can get off one train and then hop a connection when I get downtown.  It drops me off 3 blocks from my office.  The only issue is then I have to walk outside.  Not a good idea in the winter, considering my 20 min walk is mostly skyway.  But it will be good to know for nice days and days when I just don't feel like walking a mile. 

I have met some really nice people lately.  For example, the guy who told me about the connecting train.... but as always there are the real gems.  There is a group of ladies who get on about halfway through my ride home, I call them the coop.  They're like a bunch of chickens and all they do is bitch.  I know I can complain a lot sometimes, but nothing like these women.  I went to a conference a couple of weeks ago and the speaker talked about bonding while complaining...these women fit that profile to a T.   There was also a guy last week who was so freaking tall he had to duck to get off the train.  I'm pretty sure his femur was almost twice as long as mine.  Nice guy though.  Finally, we have the woman from last night who apparently uses the train to catch up on all of her cell phone french.  Yeah........ she sat right across from me.  I was SO freaking happy when she got off!

There was one day last week when I actually had to pull out my laptop and work for an hour on the way home.  Can you guess why?  Yup, my dumbass left my iphone sitting on my desk and I realized it when I sat my butt down on the train.  Son of a bitch....  that was one long ride home.  I also learned that working while on a train is not a good idea.  My charts were not ending up where I wanted them in my Powerpoint.  Oh and there is no WiFi on this train, just in case you were wondering. 

I know there is a bunch of stuff that I am forgetting to tell you about.  I'm thinking that means I need to get my ass in gear and blog more than once a week, right?!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A significant delay

It's been a while since I actually blogged anything.  I guess I'm settling into the monotony of life on the train.  It's pretty uneventful, for the most part, you still have your occassional odd ball person, but nobody as interesting lately as Mr Peen or Velco-wallet guy.   I did see a lady yesterday knitting a scarf.  what is up with the knitting?  Seems like too much work for me, hell, it's too much for me to pull out my iphone and blog! 
I am officially a commuter now.  Yup, I got my monthly refillable pass for the train.  Of course, yesterday morning was my first official ride with it and it didn't work.  So yeah, I totally had time to spare before the train left and I paid the fare like I was supposed to.  Yup, I did.  You can't prove otherwise!
I am in love with the train.  I just read three books in a week.  How sweet is that?!  I like the walk to and from my office, even though I do still stress out about making the train home on time.  4:00 hits and I'm sprinting for the elevator.  Which, incidentally, I will never get used does one get used to be rocketed up 30 floors in less than a minute?  My sure my brother would be less than impressed since he thinks roller coasters are nothing. 
Part of why I love the train is because I don't have to worry about sitting in traffic and I get home at exactly the same time everyday.  Well, I did....until yesterday.  Who in their right mind would think you would encounter a "significant delay" on the tracks?  When the conductor announces a significant delay between stops 1 and 2 yesterday, I was ready to go nuts.  I mean really, it's not like we are encountering gridlock!  W.T.F??  Apparently there was "signal trouble", I'm not sure what that means but ok, whatever.  When I hear the words "significant delay" I'm thinking at least half an hour to forty five minutes of just sitting.  Lesson learned - in commuter train lingo a "significant delay" is 8 minutes.  Seriously, I got to my stop 8 minutes late.  Can you imagine if the airlines idea of a "significant delay" was 8 minutes?!  I do still love the train.
I had something else to say, but one of the buddies woke up and now I forgot.  Oh well, until next time!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Am I running out of things to say already?!

What?  How can this be? I have never been one to not have something to say.  Yowser!
So last night, I'm talking to my son's teacher on the phone and I have my feet up on the seat across from me.  The conductor comes by and yells at me.  Seriously dude?  I'm not 5, you can just say "please don't put your feet on the seats", not "feet off the seats!".  Geez.
Being the complete dork that I am, I turned on my Nike+ GPS app to find out how long it takes me to walk to the station and how many calories I'm burning.  Yup, I am a Loser.  But I have figure out that it is 8/10 of a mile and I can make it in just a shade under 15 mins.  Now, this may not seem very fast, but keep in mind I'm going up several flights of stairs and hauling a 10 pound backpack.  So, there!  Bet you don't get 40 mins of activity like I do everyday!
Not really any interesting people to report for the past couple of rides.  I did discover that you don't tell someone they are a "crazy train rider" though.  There was a lady who was in my car and we ended up in the same elevator bank for our offices.  I said "so, another crazy train rider, like me" and she gave me the dirtiest look and said "there are a lot of us".   Chill out lady.  Note to self, do not try to speak to her again.
Not much else for today.  I did not sleep this morning.  I'm reading the second book in the Hunger Games trilogy.  Awesome!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


Sorry for not blogging yesterday afternoon, I feel like I'm boring you all with the twice daily blogs, so I'll consolidate down to one a day.  It's been an interesting couple of rides. 
Last night I learned that some wives don't really police their husbands clothing very well.  One guy had his pants hiked so high and belted so tight that I wasn't really sure how he could take a deep breath.  I swear, if my husband ever thought of leaving the house like that I'd make him move to the basement.  (Love you, honey).  The other guy, oh yes now I remember, guy had a VELCRO wallet.  Once you're past the age of 10 you should no longer carry a velcro wallet.  I was laughing too hard over that one, but not too hard because I really had to go to the bathroom.  But since I wasn't smart enough to realize that there actually are bathrooms on the train and where they are located, I had a very uncomfortable ride home.  One of these days, I will venture into the bathroom and give you a full report.  I know you are just DYING to hear all about it.
This morning, I became one of THOSE people....yup, that's right I fell asleep.  I am really hoping that I wasn't snoring or drooling on myself.  Although, it is feasible that I did in fact do both.  Well, my shirt wasn't wet when I woke up, so I guess that means no drooling and no one was giving me funny looks, so I guess that means no snoring.  WHEW!  I think I'm in the clear.....I hope.  Just in case you are wondering, yes I did wake up in time to get off at my scheduled stop.  I just couldn't help falling asleep, I had my headphones on (Thank you Adele!) and the train just kinda rocks back and forth like a cradle.  I can see myself falling asleep more often than not.  Crap!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Good Monday morning

As promised, this morning I sat on the top layer! Two things are immediately evident 1. This is where all the cool people sit, clearly I don't belong. 2. The ride is much smoother up here and since it's dark out, I can't see how high I am. Rest assured, when we make it to the bridges over water my butt will be freaking the eff out. There are a lot of seats up here and more tables. More people talk up here too but it's still really quiet.
Oohkay, we are at the next station and I can see that it is well lot and I am really high off the ground. If this sucker derails I am done for. Probably won't sit up here again.
Someone just broke one of the rules of the train! They are sitting across from me! There is a possibility of knees touching. Not cool lady. She apparently knows the woman sitting next to her because they won't shut up. The friend didn't have time to finish getting dressed either. She came in sat down and took off her shoes to put her socks on. But the best part is how she would take her sock and wipe the dirt off the bottom of her feet before putting them on. Now she's applying makeup. She might want to get up a little earlier.
Bumpy train and eyeliner. I'm totally picturing the scene from Airplane with the old woman putting on lipstick and it goes up her cheek with every bump. Ooh, it's so hard not to laugh out loud right now. I'm thinking her hair took her a really long time. Wow, now she is tweezing her eyebrows, I think she is the best I've seen on the train yet. I am in awe.
I have to figure out how to get a monthly pass, this paying for it day to day is going to make balancing the checkbook a complete PiTA!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Friday afternoon

I went crazy this afternoon and sat in one of the table seats. You're jealous, I can tell.
But I have a great view of the door. I think on Monday I will go really crazy and sit on the top level. Man, I'm such a rebel.
Oh boy, we are in for some treats today, kids. First, my Nook is apparently mad at me for not usin it for a while since the font was so big when I turned it on that each page was only a few words. Well, finnie that, as my Dad always says.
Another random thought - I'm always scared I am getting on the wrong train. However, it is possible since I get on at the first stop going both ways. As if this some train is going to jumP the tracks and take me to Hogwarts.
On to the clientele today....I know you've been waiting for it. The lady across from me is knitting. Seriously. I think she is still learning because her knitting needles have a big hoop on them. Behind that we have mrs mom jeans. I didn't know stores still sold those. Well, better than stirrup pants and legwarmers, I guess, but only marginally. One of the guys has his sunglasses pointing backwards on his head. Hmm...wondering if he has eyes back there. But, my favorite is the guy who has his lunchbag over his arm. Pretty sure no one wants to take your smelly lunchbag dude.
And the brand new coffee mug I just got from my company leaks like a sieve. WTF. High quality.
Have a great weekend! I, for one, can't wait to see what happens next week!

Friday morning

Ooh almoast misses the train this morning because I couldn't find my car keys to actually get to the station. I made it though! Whew!
Everyday this ride seems to take less and less time. We are already at the last stop before downtown. Crazy.
I have become one of the readers of the train. I can't complain though, at least I'm not pretending I can sing like Adele again.
I'm wondering how long it will be before I get sick. Everyday someone comes in sucking coughs drops or hacking up a lung. I hate the smell of cough drops, especially the cherry Vicks ones. I want to wrap my face in plastic wrap so I don't inhale their illnesses. That would make breathing in general rather difficult though. Must come up with a better plan. I'll put that on the to do list.
The last set of passengers just got in and I am left with no seat mate. What a disappointment. Well, at least my day is looking better (right, Mom?) - mr peen could've been sitting across from me.
And my final thought, doesn't matter if you are in a train or a car, bridges over water still suck. It would just suck worse if the train fell into the water instead of a car. In know, it's a happy thoughts kind of Friday.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Thursday afternoon

Well this is the most boring bunch. 9 people in this area with me and everyone of them is reading. Wow. It's literally a library on rails.
So let me tell you a bit about the train itself. It's two levels, four cars of beige and blue. I am amused every morning when I see the sign that says "bombardier". Makes me giggle because I think of the scene in Meet the Parents about saying bomb on an airplane. There are two seats by the stairs that face the wall. I don't sit in them for two reasons, first it is always the backwards facing seat and it makes me nauseous. Second, I can't see anyone. I'm CIA - I never sit with my back to a door or most of the people. Yeah, I'm weird, I know. Them there are two sets of seats facing each other, one on each side of the car. Then two more sets with tables in between, I guess sometimes you just need a table. My favorite part is that the brakes sound like a dying cow. Truly awesome.
The rules of the train appear to be simple. Look around, but don't talk to anyone except the conductor. Also, you always put your belongings in the seat next to you so no one will sit next to you. Nor should you ever sit directly across from someone. That may cause your knees to touch and that is a big no-no. Oh and right before the train gets to your stop you get up and herd to the door. Bennie bus rules apparently don't apply on public transit.
In the morning, most people are yawning a lot and drinking coffee or going back to sleep. The afternoons, people are more talkative to those they know - except for my hearse car this day. I'm too scared to sleep on here. I'm afraid someone will steal my stuff.
Ok funny - one of the people fell asleep while reading her book. Must be a really boring book.

Thursday morning

So a few of you told me to start a blog to record the daily sightings on public transit. Most of you already know where I live, but I won't say directly where.
This morning wasn't as eventful as yesterday. Today was a bunch of readers, a sleeper and the lady sitting across from me. She was a gem. The lipstick was a bright fuchsia that did not go well with her complexion. She also smelled like cough drops and had some slimy looking stuff on her jacket. I'm not sure if it was phlegm or cat puke. It started to dry while we were commuting, gross.
I'm thinking no heavy jacket this winter. I work up quite a sweat walking from the drop off to the office. Whew. Thank God I bought ice cube trays for the office!
Look for another post during the afternoon commute!