Thursday, November 17, 2011

Let me tell you how my life got flipped, turned upside down

My friends, this blog has absolutely NOTHING to do with riding the train, so if that's what you want, close your browser now.  I highly doubt this blog entry will even be remotely amusing.
Yesterday, my 5 year old son was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder.  I saw it coming.  I've known in my heart it was true since he was 3 years old.  That really didn't make hearing it confirmed any easier as a mom.  The diagnosis does not in any way shape or form change any part of my son.  He is still my wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, wonderful, amazing boy.  But, I am no longer the same.  I can't be.  In that hour, my life changed and it can't go back to the way it was before.  This doesn't mean that our lives will be worse, not at all, just different.  Things will get busier for me as a mom.  More appointments for this therapy and that, more meetings with this social worker or that school person.  Honestly, I have no idea what the hell to expect in the next months, years, lifetime....
What I can tell you is that right now it's a really high rollercoaster and at this moment, as I write this, I desperately want to get off.  As in NOW.  But, I can't.  I bought an unlimited ride pass, so ride it I will.  For all the ups/downs and loop de loops that this journey takes us on, i'm strapped in and I'm gonna go with my little amazing man. 
Sometimes i want to escape reality and pretend my life is somehow different.  That God didn't deal us this hand.  And then I'm angry, why my son?  why us?  But for all that, it's not for me to decide.  God knew what he was doing when he gave us this beautiful, precious little boy and He gave him to us for a reason.  So while sometimes I look for escapes from reality, I would never trade one second of any of it...not for anything in this world.
So, my friends, forgive me as my blog goes from being humourous to serious.  Deal with me through the stages as I learn to become the best mommy in the world to my boys.  I know this isn't the end of the world and in the end everything will be great.  I know that in my head.  it's just going to take a little while for my heart to catch up.
Love you all.


  1. Hugs, Cathy. Blogging is an amazing outlet for working through life's curve balls. Fighting gloves on Mama. You've got this!

  2. Hi Cathy - I had no idea you guys received this diagnosis. I'm a firm believer that God never gives us more than we can handle, and you should trust that he chose you to be his Mom. Not someone else - but YOU. When I was pregnant with Abby, I had an abnormal ultrasound. Which was followed by a 2nd higher level ultrasound that also returned abnormally. Abby had 3 soft markers for downs syndrome. I spent the next several months convinced that she had it - and when she was born, I KNEW she had it. Seriously - if you look through her pictures on facebook, you'll agree. But she didn't. And while I didn't have to deal with the extra doctors or therapist appointments like you will be, I know the fear and sadness of KNOWING your life has changed.

    It took me a few weeks to come to peace with the possibility of having a special needs child - and thankfully, I was able to just let it be. God has a plan and no matter how much we want something different from what he wants, we just have to roll with it and do the best we can.

    I'll keep you guys in my prayers as you adjust to the new "New" - and if there is ever anything I can do to help, just let me know!